Branded bed sheets, overpriced pink ceiling lights, and unnecessary decorative pillows. I look at my side with bittersweet pretentiousness compared to my roommate’s. Why do I feel the desire for everything I have to look nearly picture perfect? I focus so much of my energy on the clothes I wear over how comfortable I am in them. I concentrate on the quality of my cursive handwriting over the quality of my notes. I fixate on the erased indented mark on my paper over my understanding of an important concept. I look at other’s images and instinctively compare them to myself.
However, I do not let myself down. I compare myself to them in a way that I automatically list the advantages I have in my life over them based on my sole first glance. In a way it gives me satisfaction to know that in some way I am better, but then I feel guilty for even comparing in such a way, like the withdrawal symptoms of drug usage. I always have this background feeling that I am successful over them and that I am in a way and always will be more successful than anyone in happiness.
Why do I want to be successful? I want to have a sense of accomplishment and money. Why do I want that feeling of accomplishment or have money to travel and learn about the wide range of cultures that exist? The answer is simple: it makes me happy. People believe that their goal is to make an extravagant amount of money, but money doesn’t buy happiness. Happiness has a price, but that price is not in the currency of money. The richest people in the world could be very well unhappy, while the poor people are the happiest. Happiness emanates from all sorts of forms. Apart from money, if I need materials to make me happy, then I’ll never truly be happy. It is all temporary pleasure. Speaking about materials, if I am constantly judging everyone and being judged, then I care about my image more than necessary.
How can image mean so much to me? Why does my drive to be better translate into my hunger for success? Does it matter that I have this constant nagging in my head to constantly compare myself to one another? However, that is the absolute question in the very end though isn’t it? Does it matter? Does anything matter though in that case? We are all in the constant limit of time anyways, so why do people take so much of their precious time to prove themselves as different and special? And, if everyone is unique, then isn’t everyone really the same?
We are all in the same situation in life, but I think too many people are too afraid to admit it; that is where college comes in. It is ironic to me that in college everyone strives to be themselves, and are encouraged to find who they really are, because in the grand scheme of college they are all here for education. The encouragement and the drive to be unique is a veneer to the truth of using the education college students obtain to provide for society and the world. No one will realize this until it is too late, but the bittersweet beauty in that fact is that we think this universal pathway will make us happy, but in reality, most will go in their lives and never experience true happiness.
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